Embracing Gerb
The intersection of my childhood name and my journey as an artist makes so much sense. It’s precisely where the two worlds should meet: adult and child together, hand in hand. My work is irrevocably intertwined with who I was as a little girl and the imaginative vision of the world I created in my head. I like living in constant exploration of my childlike wonder with the world and its parts.
Hello to you!
Thank you for tuning into my first letter. I’m grateful you’re here.
Since I was little, I’ve drawn comfort from sharing my work with others. I’ve always wanted to create for a recipient and hopefully help them feel something. I’ve been a letter lover and art sharer since I was young. When I was little, it meant sharing my cards and drawings with Mom and Dad. In college, I shared my poems and early 20-something-angst songs on the guitar with Grandpa. And now, as an adult, I share my art with a public audience, in person and online.
Here’s a cute example of a casual letter to my Dad. I probably slipped it under his pillow one night. It now hangs in his art/man cave studio. Remember $300 is the cost of looking! And be sure to read “priverly.”
Note to reader:
- I was and still am a bad speller. Be warned!
- I am not proud of the message at the top right; I’m sorry, Mom, I love you!
This first newsletter is about what “Gerb” means to me.
That’s my most asked question: “What is Gerb?” or “Are you Gerb?” I usually respond with, “Oh, that’s the nickname I’ve always had. It’s short for Gerbie! But my real name is Grayson.” The conversation usually ends there. It makes sense: Grayson = Gerb; they both start with “G.” But what Gerb represents extends beyond the resemblance in sound and letter to my name.
A lot of people ask me where the nickname comes from. Playing in our special fort by the lake demanded a new set of names for my sister Savannah and me. The new name Gerbie quickly became the favorite nickname and was used by everyone, from my Aunts and Uncles to my soccer friends.
Before I started signing my paintings “Gerb” and my Instagram handle was @gerb.art, I signed “G Toal” and my account was @graysunart. Paintings signed with “G Toal” designate a time when my I wasn't as enveloped in my art. I hadn't been fully taken over by the need to create yet. My sharing of art started as posting casual digital art to Instagram. I never thought I would be where I am today, energized and passionate about the story I want to share through my art.
Regardless of my knowing, the handover from “G Toal” to “Gerb” marks my evolution as an artist. It marks the embracing of my childhood nickname and its representation of playfulness and curiosity.
Signing myself away as Gerb in the art world gave me a new identity I could inhabit. I’ve always liked playing dress-up and living in the worlds of new characters, so why not do it now? Gerb was no longer just a familiar hometown nickname but my professional name. I felt seriously embarrassed for merging the two worlds at first.
No one would get it. People think I’m weird. Someone might look at my painting and think I’m a dude named Gerb. Why am I even doing this anyway?
I didn’t realize at the time how meaningful the switch was.
My work will always feel more Gerbie than Grayson.
In order for me to be doing what I’m doing now—chasing my big dreams as an artist—I needed Gerb’s colorful, playful, unabashed nature to take control. I would need to be a little daydreamy to take the leap as a full-time artist unknowing if I will “make it.” That’s exactly what Gerb does for me. She opens up a beautiful field of fuschia tulips and I get to look at it, next to her.
To me, Gerb represents playfulness, an eagerness to create, highlighter neon visions of make-believe worlds, not being too serious, feeling strange and relishing in the strangeness, thinking too hard, using all the colors, a strong sensitivity to her surroundings and her feelings, feeling things fully.
I spend just as much time in my head thinking about fantastical fairy lands and wishful worlds as little Gerbie once did. The most impactful moment for me was the release of the 2007 film “Bridge to Terebithia,” which highlights the importance that imaginary worlds play in children’s lives. After watching, I had an intense obsession with finding my own Terebithia.
As Savannah and I wondered around the forest searching for this magical land, I swore if we just kept looking, we’d finally see a giant marching our way or a herd of fairies up above. Come to find out, the search for Terebithia started and still forges on in my head–just like the movie’s storyline.
As an artist, my Terebithia now inhabits my mind as I paint.
I use my nostalgia and deep care for my childlike mind as a springboard for what I want to create. I seek to share a story of girlhood, womanhood, understand what it means to be a woman and to be imaginative. At the core, I know I just really want to share.
Embracing Gerb and what she symbolizes is the most valuable milestone for me as an artist. The soul of little Gerb lives on in me. In my right hand as it holds the paintbrush, in the nervous excitement during my shows, in my sensitivity. I'm grateful I get to be with her still.
I have so much to share and relate with you on art, life, business, exhibits, paintings, past-times, futures, Terebithia, all of it. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this letter.
*if you think a friend or family member would like to receive my newsletters, I would love it if you could refer them to my newsletter link: https://gerb-art.ck.page/f02d6800bf
All my love,
Gerbie, Gerb, Grayson, Gerdamus Prime, CBGB, Gerdie, Gerdus, & Gerbasaur
